you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
