If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Is it because I queefed?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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