four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
