so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
