Pregnant stripper...not hot.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
