im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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