imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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