I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize