mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Randomize
