these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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