you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
