Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
