You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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