1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I came so hard my ears popped.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
