pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
