It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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