I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
This house was built for laser tag.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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