This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
