I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
