just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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