I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
