I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
