I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
