My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
