I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
