Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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