apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
