I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
i now understand why vodka
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
