apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
