Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
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