so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
