You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
