Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Randomize
