just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
