miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
