come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
