Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
