Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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