the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
