T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
