Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
