think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
