you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
