Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
