my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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