Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
