I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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