I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
