Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I lost the right to judge tonight
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
