Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
