u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
