i permit you to call me
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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